Hotels, Motels, Holiday Inns

Ah, this is the life. People who make the bed for you every day. Pay-per-views at 12 bucks a pop (and that's for REGULAR movies, not porn). Free "continental" breakfast. As you may have figured out, we have made our transition from tiny-apartment dwellers to tiny-hotel room dwellers.

We moved into the luxurious (note, sarcasm) Virginian Suites last night. Haul up 6 gigantic suitcases, one tired child, assorted crap from the apartment that we just couldn't bear to throw away (milk, cereal bars, percocet...not necessarily in that order) up to the 7th floor. Child wants "DORA DORA DORA". I decide, unilaterally, since Dave is making yet another trip to the car for yet another bag, that my child should be allowed to watch Dora the Explorer at 8:30 at night even though we usually don't let him watch television this late in the evening. I think "hey, this will keep him busy while I sort crap into the appropriate corner of the living room/bedroom/kitchenette".

Turn on television. Get a big blank screen with "unusable signal" flashing ominously into the living room. Cue child's chant one decible level higher "DORA DORA DORA". Frantically I prod the different buttons on the television and the remote control trying to make it work. I anxiously peer at the hotel door, hoping Dave will walk through and save me from electronic hell. Child has reached zombie-like trance chant "DORA DORA DORA". I swallow my pride and call the front desk "uh, hi, we just checked in and I can't get the television on". The nice guy at the desk tells me to put the TV on channel 4 - not using the remote - I must use the buttons on the TV. I do so. Still have the flashing screen of UNUSABLE SIGNAL doom. Nice guy at the desk's helpful answer? "I'll have to send someone up". Great. I explain to Blaine that the TV is broken. So he goes from chanting "DORA" to chanting "TV BROKEN TV BROKEN". Dave walks in and dons his superhero electronic-man cape and tries to fix it. Nope. Still not working. Finally, a full 15 minutes later, one of the hotel's maintenance staff arrives, fiddles with the remote and television and pronounces it "broken". Ends up having to splice a new cable into the wall. TV works, the world returns to normal.

Or so we thought. Then Dave tries to plug in his laptop to charge. He crawls under the desk in the living room and pushes the plug into the outlet. It promptly falls right back out. He jiggles the cord that is plugged in (that operates the lamp on the desk) and the whole faceplate falls off the wall. Repeats this same scenario with the outlet by the television. Dave comments "I knew I would be dealing with antiquated electrical systems and wiring, but I thought it wouldn't happen until we actually were living in Tbilisi."

Heh. Who knew the Virginian Suites were going to be a trial run for a post-Soviet country. I'm sure to feel at home.